So, I’m starting The Butterfly Project. I’m naming it after my amazing bestfriend and the guy I’ve been together with for a month. I’m picking him because he is the one person who, for the first time in over two years, looked me in the eyes and told me he wanted me to stop because he was terrified of how much I could hurt myself. Terrified of how I could cut too deep and be gone. He then asked me what he would do without me and held me for such a long time. Honestly, it nearly broke my heart and in that moment I knew I didn’t ever want to cause him that kind of pain again. So, I’m doing this not only for me now, but for him, and I hope I don’t let either of us down. <3
I feel like everything I worked so hard for completely got taken away from me as soon as I began to actually lose weight and feel good about myself. About a month and a half ago my “best friend” (the only person who knew I had relapsed) got mad at me and decided to tell her mom what was going on to get me in trouble. Not minutes after this happened, she in turn called my mother, asked her to come over for coffee and told her. My mom came home and yelled at me for hours, telling me not to “start my shit again,” and not to “put her through these problems” again, because she “isn’t up for it.” So, from that moment on I was watched as I ate, and my bathroom time was payed very strict attention to. Then, not long after that, I got kicked out of my house and moved in with my other best friend. She had no idea what was going on, and all we did was get fast food and eat shit and I didn’t exercise the entire time I was there. I had no access to this tumblr, because I was always with her and would probably get kicked out of there if she saw what I was doing. I haven’t gained any of the weight I lost back, but I haven’t lost any either. Excitingly though, I’m back in a size six! Now that I’m finally back home I’m hoping I can get back on track with my plan, but this time I’m not telling anyone in my real life. I hope everyone else is doing well. Stay strong, we can do this<3.
First time I’m seeing my ex-fiance since I called off our engagement and entire relationship while he was away at bootcamp for the army. I don’t know how to explain any of what I feel to him and the reasons why I did what I did. I’m so afraid to hurt him even more than I already have. :(
“I’m sorry things went so downhill. We were so sure things were going to be amazing and spectacular, but now I’m starting to see everything I didn’t want to believe. I’m sorry I stopped loving you. I’m sorry you did, too. Maybe things aren’t meant to be. I’m going to miss you, but it’s time we hold our heads high, bite our lips and get over each other. I think it’s the best way. Maybe we’ll find something better. Then again, maybe we won’t.”